Letting go. I have thought about this topic long and hard over the past few days. I thought about all the times I have had to let go over the years, and what I had to let go. While seeing what the internet had to offer me I came across this quote;
Now, this really stirred a feeling inside and I knew what ‘letting go’ means for me. I’ve had a few tough times in relation to teaching recently and it’s been quite hard. I had started with a class from January this year and I instantly fell in love with them. They were hilarious, loving and just had these great personalities. However, the previous teacher had not left them in a good way and they were all over the place. Whenever I sent them off to do work in a lesson some of them actually looked at me as if to say “What? You mean we’re here to work?” It was terrible. I had a handful of key behaviour children and SEN children too. It was a lot to handle. Mix that with the classroom itself being left in a terrible state (no displays, no tray labels, no behaviour chart) and it was a nightmare. I asked for help but I got very little support. I had a TA three days a week but it meant that I was still on my own for two days. The school was great and the girl who started the same day as me is having a great time, but our experiences are completely different. To cut this very long story short, I struggled with the lack of support. I ended up leaving at Easter. Telling my children and parents that I was leaving was genuinely the worst thing ever. The children were in tears, I was in bits, and some parents even cried! It was awful!
What’s your point Sarah? Well my point is thus. I suffered. For a whole term, I suffered. It’s where my anxiety really started to take a hold; I cried all the time, I couldn’t sleep, I was ill. I even felt awful after I left because I was guilty for abandoning them. But as much as I was suffering, I love those kids with all my heart. I am truly grateful for the memories that I have with them. Sometimes I was so fed up with them, but mostly they made me smile. I’ve let go of the guilt, I’ve let go of the sadness, but I will never let go of the memories.
What does ‘letting go’ mean to you?