Memories, light the corners of my mind…

Thank you Barbara for that introduction. I cannot believe this is the last day of Blog Every Day in May! I’m really sad to see this challenge go, it’s been great to get to know other bloggers and I’ve ‘met’ some amazing people too. I’ve been back in Birmingham for the last couple of days because sadly my granddad is in hospital. So I’m currently sat on a train to Euston writing this. Thank goodness for my mini laptop! 

Also, I conquered a fear over the last couple of days. You may remember me saying that my biggest fear is needles. I think at the same time I also said that I needed two injections for my trip to Thailand in the summer. Well, that day came yesterday. There was a lot of tears and fears but I GOT MY INJECTIONS! To anyone else this might not be a big deal, but I am so proud of myself and I wanted to share that with you. It took an hour and a half to get through it but I managed, the poor guy must have been so fed up. And it was all with the help of Jenna Marbles (I watched the below video to help me). So snaps for me!

Onto today. A vivid memory. Well, my memory is terrible but I do have a few that stuck out from when I was younger and today I’m going to share one. You may remember me saying that I have family in Chile; I’m half Chilean so all of my mum’s family are over there. We used to go every other Christmas and then for some reason (money) I wasn’t able to go for 10 years. Now I have a job I can save to go every other year again (the off years will be filled with trips to Thailand as my dad is moving out there – I’m so travelled!). I have many memories from the younger years in Chile but the most vivid is when my cousin stabbed me in the foot with a fork. Oh yes, you read that right. We were eating lunch with my family at home and I remember her crawling under the table and stabbing me. Such a delightful child, she was only 5. Thinking about it – maybe that’s where my fear of needles came from? I can’t remember what happened after that but it hurt! So that’s a short but sweet memory for you.

For some reason I’ve become a lot more wordy with my posts so enjoy that essay! Have a lovely last day of May… I’m off out on my favourite ever night tonight – Ultimate Power in Camden. If you ever find yourself in Camden on the last Friday of the month, you know where to go. They play power ballads ALL NIGHT LONG and it’s amazing.

Letting Go...

Letting go. I have thought about this topic long and hard over the past few days. I thought about all the times I have had to let go over the years, and what I had to let go. While seeing what the internet had to offer me I came across this quote;

Now, this really stirred a feeling inside and I knew what ‘letting go’ means for me. I’ve had a few tough times in relation to teaching recently and it’s been quite hard. I had started with a class from January this year and I instantly fell in love with them. They were hilarious, loving and just had these great personalities. However, the previous teacher had not left them in a good way and they were all over the place. Whenever I sent them off to do work in a lesson some of them actually looked at me as if to say “What? You mean we’re here to work?” It was terrible. I had a handful of key behaviour children and SEN children too. It was a lot to handle. Mix that with the classroom itself being left in a terrible state (no displays, no tray labels, no behaviour chart) and it was a nightmare. I asked for help but I got very little support. I had a TA three days a week but it meant that I was still on my own for two days. The school was great and the girl who started the same day as me is having a great time, but our experiences are completely different. To cut this very long story short, I struggled with the lack of support. I ended up leaving at Easter. Telling my children and parents that I was leaving was genuinely the worst thing ever. The children were in tears, I was in bits, and some parents even cried! It was awful!

What’s your point Sarah? Well my point is thus. I suffered. For a whole term, I suffered. It’s where my anxiety really started to take a hold; I cried all the time, I couldn’t sleep, I was ill. I even felt awful after I left because I was guilty for abandoning them. But as much as I was suffering, I love those kids with all my heart. I am truly grateful for the memories that I have with them. Sometimes I was so fed up with them, but mostly they made me smile. I’ve let go of the guilt, I’ve let go of the sadness, but I will never let go of the memories.

What does ‘letting go’ mean to you?

“Ah, music" he said, wiping his eyes. "A magic beyond all we do here!”

Only two days left of the challenge! Today I’m sharing some music that really means something to me. I love each one of these songs for different reasons, which I will do my best to explain. Enjoy!

P!nk - Who Knew

I think I've said it before, but this woman is absolutely amazing. I saw her live a couple of weeks ago and actually cried during this song. It's so beautiful and it makes me think of the people that I have lost in my life.

McFly - The Heart Never Lies

I can't actually describe what exactly this song means to me, but I can tell you that I am in love with it. 

Take That - Never Forget

Take That were my first musical love. I never got to see them live the first time around, but I had a video of one of their shows at my Auntie's house and I'd watch it over and over again. This was the last song on nights out and it was so lovely to just sing it with my friends.

Scissor Sisters - Let's Have a Kiki

I find that blasting this song through my headphones after a bad day is just the one. It instantly cheers me up! And the dance is fabulous. 

Demi Lovato - Give Your Heart a Break

Oh Demi, I feel your pain.

Only Pictures…

To My Readers

Hello there you lovely, lovely readers. 

When I started this blog a little over a month ago, I really did not think that I would even get past a week, let alone a month, and still be going strong. Even though we are a small community (at the moment!) I am really thankful to every single one of you that read these ramblings. I'm still new to this and I am genuinely grateful for you for coming back. I really love to see what you're all up to, what you've done recently, and things you've got coming up, and you're all just wonderful. I think it's really lovely that we all can come together and feel comfortable enough to just share with each other. If I've had a bad day, I know you'll be here to listen. If I've had a god day, I know you'll share my joy.

Thank you for commenting. Thank you for coming to see what I've been up to (even though it's not always interesting!). Thank you for baring with me while I find my blogging feet. Thank you for making me feel loved. 

Love, Sarah xxx

BuzzFeed Love

Now for Day 26 (something I read online) I will be directing your attention to something I found very funny. If you're not a teacher then it may not tickle you so much. In fact I was giggling as soon as I started reading. And so here is...

31 Signs You've Been a Teacher Too Long

Someone Once Told Me...

Today we are talking about something that someone once told us. I've thought long and hard about this, I've really found it hard to remember someone telling me something about myself. More recently I had the head teacher of my school tell me (while offering me my new job as a SEN teacher) that I am empathetic, and would suit teaching children with special educational needs and apparently that is a rare thing to find. But I've cast my mind back a lot further than this week for today's challenge...

When I was doing my GCSE's (at 15) I took on an extra subject. I attended Accounting lessons from 7.30-8.30am, twice a week, and my teacher told me that I was not good enough to pass. I'm sorry, but getting up early is not my forte and sometimes I was still half asleep in the lesson. No need for him to basically tell me I'd fail though. The day I got my results I ended up with a C and I was THRILLED! My teacher then came up to me and said "Well done, I knew you could do it!" An absolute lie. I always remember that and have worked my hardest to prove people wrong about my abilities.

Sorry for the lack of picture - I'm having a night in at a friends house so I've stolen their Mac to write this. On an unrelated note, I am not a Mac fan and this is stressing me out!

What has someone once told you that has always stuck with you?

Life and Traits

I'm behind a day again! But only a few days to go. So let's get going. I'm (again) going to put two posts together for you all today. 

First what has life taught me that school didn't? Be yourself. People need to like you for you, not the fake you. It's exhausting to be the nice one all the time! Sometimes you just have to let your realness come out and stop the fake. Has it got  me in trouble to speak my mind? Yes! But at least I am being myself. And I am happy with the friends that like me for what I am.

Source

And now for my three worst traits... I am messy. I have a messy room - clothes over the floor and that. I will tidy up whenever I'm on a break from school and I'll be all happy about it. Then once I'm back at school, and as the weeks go by, I will make my room messy again. I can't help it, it's a vicious circle. I am a procrastinator. I'm sorry, if it can be put off it will be. I am an emotional wreck. I cry at everything, and that's not an exaggeration. I have a scale of 1 - crying; if I'm happy, I'm crying; if I'm sad, I'm crying. 

And there you go. Until tomorrow - ttfn.

Rant Time

Before we begin… I had my interview today and I got a job! Hooooorah! It’s not exactly the class teacher role I applied for, but I will be a class teacher in the language base in my school. That means that I will be teaching children with special education needs. So exciting!

So there are a lot of things I could rant about. It could be the tube in the mornings (always so busy!), or my iPhone battery (why wont you last more than a day?!). I could also rant about my broken hoover (I just want to be able to hoover the floor without it breaking every 5 minutes) and continuation errors in films/tv (seriously, if I can notice that he was holding that glass in his other hand, surely you can too film people can too). 

Today I want to rant about the unnecessary use of the word lol. Even typing it kind of offended my fingers. Yes, you find something funny, yes you may have ‘laughed out loud’ but please can you not say lol. It’s bad enough when people put it in texts but to SAY it is just too much. For example – “Hey I just spilt my drink” “LOL”. NO! Just laugh! We can see you find it funny by you laughing. And now I’m angry so I will stop there.

Source

What do you find annoying and makes you want to rant?

Let's Go Back

Day 21... Phew, we're almost there! Although I think I'm going to miss blogging everyday! I'll have to think of new things to blog about too. Arrrrgh! So today we're going back to post links to our favourite posts. Again I know I don't really have much to go back to but I'm sure I can find something for you all.

As I don't have a picture relevant to the post... Here's a penguin/

A Favourite Picture - my favourite picture of my from childhood.

London Pet Show 2013 - dogs!

Favourite Quotes - the quotes that get me through the day.

Book of Mormon, I Love You - my thoughts on the musical.

A Childhood Memory & Favourite Bloggers

I’m a day behind on the challenge! But for a good reason - my mum has been in London with me this weekend so I’ve not been able to sit at my computer. But I’m here now and combining two days into one. Is that ok with everyone? Yeah? Good.

Day 18: A Childhood Memory

I don’t have a great long term memory so for me to remember anything from when I was younger is a challenge in itself! But one memory that kept coming to me while I was writing was from primary school. I know I was under 9 but I can’t pinpoint an actual age. We lived close to school but my mum drove there as (I think) she had to go to work straight after. This particular day my grandparents picked me up instead; ‘this is strange?’ I remember thinking. They drove me home and a police car was parked outside. ‘Uh oh! What did I do?’ I thought to myself and racked my brain to think about if I’d accidently stolen something (when I was still in a pram, apparently I stole some gum by putting it in my pram and mum didn’t notice…). Then mum came to the door with a neck brace on. As she’d left school that morning she was waiting at a junction. From the left, a car had flashed his lights at her – now I don’t know about you, I thought that meant that ‘I’m letting you go’? Well this person actually meant ‘I can’t stop’. So mum went and the car went into the side of her. She came out of it with whiplash. That’s where my memory ends.

Day 19: Favourite Bloggers

I am still quite new to the blogging scene (I’m less than a month old!) and I’m always on the lookout for new blogs. The following have really inspired me to carry on with my blog and I just think they’re great.

1. Laura @ A Scottish Lass

I love this lovely blog. Laura’s reviews are absolutely great – so informative and I feel I can rely on her opinion if there’s something there I want. The photography with her posts is fantastic too! Check out this photography on the Urban Decay Naked Foundation post. The way she writes is great and she replies to comments which I think is just so nice of her. Now to stop fangirling and move on…

2. Steph @ Bourbon and Glitter

Again, I really like the way that Steph writes, she’s so friendly and just makes you feel glad you are reading. She also tells you how to make cocktail cupcakes. A girl after my own heart!

3. Christine @ Life With a Side of Coffee

She watches Smash, I love Smash… I can’t quite put my finger on what I love about this blog, but I just do.

And there we have it. Two days in one. And coming up in Sunday Social – I’ve been a busy blogging bee today!

A Favourite Picture

I'm not one to enjoy having a photo taken so I've picked an oldie...

Now, you may be thinking "Woah now, she's feeding a dinosaur?!" But you'd be mistaken. Through the magic of Photoshop, they were able to put me in the same picture as a toy dinosaur. Magic. This was done for the local newspaper... I have no idea what the article was. Maybe they found dinosaurs in Birmingham? We'll never know...

Daily Challenges in Life

We're on Day 16 of the challenge already - half way through! Today we're on the topic of something difficult  about our "lot in life" and how we try to overcome it.

I think I've mentioned my anxiety in passing in blog posts - I do find it hard to talk about it as it is something that does affect me. If I feel everything is on top of me, I start to panic and it can overtake things and make me think of bad things. I can get stressed too, which leads to the anxiety coming to play - it might be something big that sets me off, but sometimes it might be quite a small thing. Quite recently I had an anxiety attack when I couldn't find an outfit for a few drinks out and ended up staying in. While at my old school, there were mornings where I would sit on the floor and cry until the children arrived because everything had got on top of me. 

I eventually plucked up the courage to leave the school and started somewhere else, easing myself back into teaching. Since then, I have not suffered as many attacks and things are getting brighter for me. I also have been trying to have a positive outlook on life and see the sunny side where I can.

One day I will be able to share my full anxiety story, but that's not today. Trust me, I am working on it though.

A Day in the Life...

Full disclosure - I woke up this morning with the intention of taking loads of pictures for the challenge today... But I couldn't (as I work in a school, I can't exactly whip my camera out at every opportunity!)

A little overview of my job so this makes some sort of sense - I work with children who need support in their general speech and language. It's super fun and I love it!

A Day in the Life of Me

• Wake up about 7am.
• Check the overnight entertainment news (a girl has to keep in the know) on my phone. 
• Sneaky peek at Instagram.
• Get out of bed 20 minutes later.
• Shower, dress, teeth, face.
• Realise I have forgotten to either a) make lunch or b) buy things to make for lunch, so rush to Sainsburys to buy something. 
• Walk to work - listen to power ballads to help conquer the day ahead.
• Arrive at school about 8:25am.
• Get the days resources ready for my kiddies.
• Read SATs test for Year 6 boy.
• Over to Reception group - sing head, shoulders, knees and toes. Learn about parts of the body.
• Lunch time. Chat in the staff room.
• Go to Year 1. Practice assembly. Keep hold of my 1:1 child as he tries to run away.
• Children go home. Stay behind to laminate and cut out behaviour charts.
• Overspend on fruit in Sainsburys.
• Get home.
• Currently waiting for my friend to come over for dinner.

And that's my day. I love that I get to spend my day with lots of different children and just enjoy it.

Happiness is a Virtue

Today we're talking about things that make us happy. I work hard to keep hold of the things that make me happy, just because so much tends to worry me.

Awwww here goes...

1. Mia Familia - I really hope someone said that in their heads like Buddy from Cake Boss. If you did, we need to be friends

2. My Friends - Lotta love for them

3. My job - I get to spend my days having great conversations like this -
"What do we need to start a capital letter with? C...?"
"Cake!"

4. Sloths - I just can't even...

5. Dachshunds - There are no words for this obsession I have.

6. My bed/pajamas - I can't work out which makes me happy. I think it's both.

7. Happy Endings - Casey Wilson, I love you.

8. Books - Oh hey bookworm!

9. Good music - I cannot walk anywhere without music.

10. Smiles - They do say smiling is infectious.

Public Apology

Today for the challenge, it's time to issue a public apology.

Dear kiddies that I have taught. 

I'm sorry for all those times you have been bored on the carpet while I figure out what's wrong with the whiteboard, or while I try and remember what I was about to say. 
I'm sorry for all those times that I raised my voice at you when I thought you were talking. But it was actually the person next to you.
I'm sorry for the times that I had to keep you in at break time to finish your work (but remember - this is my break too).
I'm sorry for all the teacher things that I say - "Would YOU like to come to the front and teach?"; "I've worked hard to get a good job so now it's your turn"; "I only push you because I know you can do it". You know what I'm talking about...
I'm sorry for all the work that you have to do that you think is pointless (in some cases I agree).

But I do it all with the best interests and I really want you all to do well.

Love, you dedicated (but exhausted) teacher

P.S. To any children that I may have told a little fib to about dinosaurs - they are not extinct because their arms were too short and they couldn't scratch their bellies...